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sio_ma
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Country: Macao
Gender: Female
Interests: Presently obsess in KH2FM and BL stuff...
Expertise: nth
Occupation: Other
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/2/2004
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| 最近我在想. 在一間辦公室裡放了不同的植物, 有的生長我很好, 有的生長得很不好. 不同的植物有它們不同的生存方式或條件. 需要陽光的植物在室內會生長得很弱. 灑太多水給仙人掌會溺死它. 水生植物要養在水內才不會乾死. 我覺得自己像是被迫要在不到適合的地方生長的植物. 每個人都說我不肯去適應, 可是就算生存了, 也不能好好地生長得更好. 這就好像水養的紫羅蘭, 不是在特殊的生長環境中是開不出花的; 可是土養的紫羅蘭, 葉子不只生得比水養的綠而且只需加點花肥就會開出花來. 水養的紫羅蘭也是很想開出花來, 可是在不適合的環境下, 能夠長出健康的葉子就已經很不錯了. 再說, 在不同的環境下生長, 生存所需的特性也是不同的吧. 可是水養的紫羅蘭還是被人說不肯去適應而去開花. 就算把它種回土裡, 只有水根的紫羅蘭大多數都會在死去. 這真的是水養的紫羅蘭的錯嗎? 它選擇以水為生存的方式錯嗎? 就算把兩片從同一株紫羅蘭摘下的葉子放在相同的土裡及環境培養, 也不一定兩片葉子都會一起生存下來. 把一棵蘋果樹的分枝放在同一個果園裡栽種, 它們也不會生出一樣質量的果實. 那為什麼要說分枝出來的不去適應別的環境而出產相同品質的蘋果? 在葡萄園裡的葡萄也會因當年的氣候變化而出產出不同品質的葡萄酒, 那為什麼要說葡萄不去適應當年的氣候去保持最好的出產品質? 那是誰不肯去適應的錯嗎? 是誰為自己狡辯嗎? 我知道沒有人會認同我的想法及生存方式. 我不期望別人會明白理解, 但我只求找到一個適合自己的生存空間. 雖然浮萍除水漂流而且可能會令水流不通順, 可是它也可以成為某些生物的家和避難所. 不一定只有樹木才是所有生物的家和避難所. 現在我要二者選其一, 選哪一個都好, 前面的路一樣很不明確的. | | |
| Today, I have a break from the situation. Praise and thank God for this short relieve.
Father was back and had Catechism lesson after his long retreat. Had lunch and tea with some friends. Haven't been with friends for a long time and it made me felt better and cheerer.
Hoping everything will be fine and succeed tomorrow morning. I am still hoping for a miracle. | | |
| A few days ago, I met a man of sixty something, he lives alone and I think he is happy to find somebody to talk to him in his routine life. He is very zealous to welcome me and I feel a bit scare about it as I am not good at handling this kind of people.
I would like to tell him not be so zealous but...I don't know if it will hurt him. Anyway, if I find out that I cannot tolerate, I will explain to him clearly.
One thing about this old man is that his handwriting is very beautiful (in Chinese, English and Portuguese). He can write English with "Chinese fur pen"!!! After seeing his handwriting, I dare not to let him see mine as it is too ugly.
After the pilgrimage, I spent less time in Pio as there was something happened that set apart from Jesus, Mary and me. Previously, something happened and the situation continue. I know that it will not improve my situation so I start to go back to Pio a bit more often though usuallly in the mid-night. I complain a lot in front of the Eucharist though I know I should not; anyway, I have to thank Jesus and Mary to let me heard something that I am escaping and it is time to think twice (don't know if there will be any action later on) | | |
| Today is the first day of July and it means that the other half of the year started. There were many things happened in the past 6 months, some were good and some were bad. One of my dreams had come ture...that is...I travel to Europe! I had never thought that I can have this chance! Thanks be to God! I has become a Catholic though I would like to wait for "that day"; I was told I could not make use of God's love to let Him waiting for me and who knows if I can wait for "that day" again. Sad things, I don't want to "record" here, not merely because I don't want to face them or deal with them...it is just...let's my journal record more happy things than unhappy things, there are more than enough unhappy things already. Let's hope that the next half of the year is better than the previous. | | |
| 感受到的是別的東西, 這個沒有人理解, 而現在被人要求一些根本給不到的. 就算你們真的給了, 我是領受不到那又怎樣 ! 而且這也不是一時三刻突然這個樣子的. 留意不到事情老早就已經存在也是各下的問題, 不只是我一個人的錯. 令我看這個世上還有其他顏色的是別人而不是你們. | | |
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